The Link Between Anxiety and People-Pleasing
You say yes even when you’re exhausted.
You avoid conflict, smooth things over, and do everything to keep others happy - even if it means putting yourself last.
If this sounds like you, it’s worth looking at what’s really driving that pattern.
Because often, people-pleasing is anxiety in disguise.
Why Anxiety and People-Pleasing Go Hand in Hand
People-pleasing isn’t just a personality trait.
For many, it’s a deeply ingrained survival strategy - often shaped by early experiences where connection felt conditional.
When anxiety is present, the idea of upsetting someone can feel dangerous. Your nervous system is always scanning for threat; and social rejection is one of the biggest perceived dangers.
So, you say yes. You stay agreeable. You become what others want you to be.
And for a while, it feels safe.
Signs You Might Be People-Pleasing Due to Anxiety:
You feel guilty when setting boundaries
You worry people are mad at you if they’re quiet
You take on more than you can handle to avoid saying no
You replay interactions, afraid you upset someone
You avoid conflict at all costs
The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing
While it may reduce anxiety in the short-term, long-term people-pleasing leads to:
Burnout
Resentment
Low self-esteem
Disconnection from your authentic self
And often, it actually increases anxiety; because your needs are consistently unmet, and your sense of safety depends on how others respond to you.
You Can Unlearn It
Healing from people-pleasing isn’t about becoming “selfish” - it’s about becoming safe enough to be authentic. Therapy can help you:
Identify where this pattern comes from
Reconnect with your own needs and boundaries
Learn to tolerate discomfort without self-abandoning
Feel safe in your relationships without over-performing
You don’t have to keep proving your worth through overgiving.
You are allowed to take up space.
And your peace matters too.
If this resonates with you, I’d love to help. I’m currently taking on new clients and offer online sessions. Feel free to message me for a free initial chat.
